Confession time: I hate to fly. I hate it! There's nothing like the idea of strapping myself into a big metal tube and ascending 30,000+ft into the air with absolutely no control over my own fate to instill me with completely irrational abject terror. It wasn't always like this. When I was younger there was never any sort of fear associated with plane travel. Just mind-numbing boredom and a complete inability to stay comfortable in those tiny coach seats. For some inexplicable reason, though, at some point in time (and I can't even pinpoint exactly WHEN this occurred) my brain decided to switch from boredom to panic mode and from there it never looked back. So, needless to say, the 18 hours total flying time it was going to take to get me from Los Angeles to Bangkok has been a source of some anxiety. My previous record for longest flight was 12 hours between LA and Beijing, which happened long before this maddening flight anxiety had worked its way into my brain. The first leg of this trip, from LA to Guangzhou, China was going to smash that record by three hours. I had a mild panic attack the day I booked the ticket, just thinking about getting through (or potentially NOT getting through) such a long flight across the Pacific. To make matters worse, I had failed in my mission to acquire some Xanax while in LA. I was going into this one drug-free.
I spent a good chunk of the evening before the flight looking up statistics online to feed the rational side of my brain, hoping that it might override the irrational, fear-mongering side. It helped enough that I was able to sleep, but not enough to make me a pleasant companion on the drive to LAX the next morning (apologies to my friend who did his best to try to cheer me up). By the time we arrived at the terminal I was ready to throw up, and entertaining thoughts of canning the whole trip; convinced, however irrationally, that stepping onto that plane was equivalent to signing my death warrant. But I didn't back out. I kept going because travel is one of the great joys in my life, and I knew that the minute I let unfounded fear keep me from getting on a plane is the minute I set a precedent that loses me the ability to do what I love. By the time I got through security the nausea had subsided (dealing with airport bureaucracy is mind-numbing enough to quell even the most extreme anxiety) and after pounding a couple quick vodka cranberries at the bar I made my way on to the plane. I'm a seasoned enough traveler that I'm quite good at hiding my anxiety. I'm pretty certain that most other passengers around me would never suspect the kind of crazy thoughts that are swimming around in my head during a flight but anyway, they're there, interspersed with moments of calm that seem to show up only because sustaining such a high level of anxiety for such a long period of time is physically impossible. When I finally did arrive in Bangkok all those hours later I was physically and emotionally exhausted, but nonetheless alive and well. I knew everything would be fine, ha-ha.
Why am I sharing all of this? Because statistically (yup, some of that research did sink in) 40% of airline passengers have some form of anxiety about flying, despite the fact that it is, also statistically, the safest mode of transportation. If you're reading this and nodding your head, recognizing all of the feelings I've described, know you're not alone. If you're putting off a trip you'd really like to take because it involves a long flight, don't put it off any longer. Face your fear. Stand up to irrational anxiety. The chances of being killed in a plane crash are 1 in 7 million. The chances of having an amazing experience while traveling that you'll remember for the rest of your life are pretty much guaranteed. I'll take those odds.
I spent a good chunk of the evening before the flight looking up statistics online to feed the rational side of my brain, hoping that it might override the irrational, fear-mongering side. It helped enough that I was able to sleep, but not enough to make me a pleasant companion on the drive to LAX the next morning (apologies to my friend who did his best to try to cheer me up). By the time we arrived at the terminal I was ready to throw up, and entertaining thoughts of canning the whole trip; convinced, however irrationally, that stepping onto that plane was equivalent to signing my death warrant. But I didn't back out. I kept going because travel is one of the great joys in my life, and I knew that the minute I let unfounded fear keep me from getting on a plane is the minute I set a precedent that loses me the ability to do what I love. By the time I got through security the nausea had subsided (dealing with airport bureaucracy is mind-numbing enough to quell even the most extreme anxiety) and after pounding a couple quick vodka cranberries at the bar I made my way on to the plane. I'm a seasoned enough traveler that I'm quite good at hiding my anxiety. I'm pretty certain that most other passengers around me would never suspect the kind of crazy thoughts that are swimming around in my head during a flight but anyway, they're there, interspersed with moments of calm that seem to show up only because sustaining such a high level of anxiety for such a long period of time is physically impossible. When I finally did arrive in Bangkok all those hours later I was physically and emotionally exhausted, but nonetheless alive and well. I knew everything would be fine, ha-ha.
Why am I sharing all of this? Because statistically (yup, some of that research did sink in) 40% of airline passengers have some form of anxiety about flying, despite the fact that it is, also statistically, the safest mode of transportation. If you're reading this and nodding your head, recognizing all of the feelings I've described, know you're not alone. If you're putting off a trip you'd really like to take because it involves a long flight, don't put it off any longer. Face your fear. Stand up to irrational anxiety. The chances of being killed in a plane crash are 1 in 7 million. The chances of having an amazing experience while traveling that you'll remember for the rest of your life are pretty much guaranteed. I'll take those odds.
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